The mysterious figure approaches her cell door and shoves his hand into the cell doors control mechanism and then a few seconds later the door opens to allowing the strange figure to enter the women’s prison cell and the mysterious figure is revelled to be none other than Simon Cowell.
"Dream Land" - By James Hogg
Added : 23rd April 2009
Deep within the bowels of Blue Dwarf on a dark secret level 13th is a prison know as the “Bucket”, in a dank prison cell a rather dishevelled man in a dirty lab coat with wild unkempt hair and large bottle rimmed glasses cackles madly with laughter.
“At last my plan for domination of the multiverse is nearly complete’’ says the man, as he stands in front of a large table laid out with a large variety of chemicals.
“Soon I shall be able to manipulate and control the dreams of others and makes those dreams a reality, and now for the final ingredient... the vocal cords of Amy Winehouse’’.
Suddenly something goes terribly wrong as soon as he drops Amy Winehouse’s vocal cords into a flask of dark green liquid which is connected up to other chemicals veer tubes, it starts to react violently spewing out thick white foam and vapour.
“No this can’t be happening I must have miscalculated, the vocal cords of Amy Winehouse must have been too much... Oh God nooo!’’
BOOM and the scientist experiment suffers a catastrophic chain reaction catapulting the mad scientist across his cell to hit the opposite wall to slump lifeless down the in a bloody mess, the white vapour from the experiment goes arching through the air into the prison's air vent system.
Meanwhile some time later two men in light brown Blue Dwarf officers clothing, approach a small room in Blue Dwarf prison which contained may stasis pods containing prisoners in solitary confinement, the two men approach one of the stasis pods and one of whom who is clutching a clip board runs his finger down a list of names stopping when he came to the particular name he was looking for.
The officer with the clip board then glances at the stasis pod, saying “Well this is him one Omar Mavek, from Blue Dwarfs navigation department and is a tactile officer, sentenced to six years for black-market racketeering two years of the final part of his sentence have been spent hear in solitary confinement for stealing the prison commandants false eye and well his time in solitary is now up as he is due for realise in a few days’’.
The second officer remarked “Ah yes I remember the incident in question when he stole commandant Braithwaite's false eye, Omar was leaning over the upper prison gantry with mooning us and had his ass cheeks spread wide reviling Braithwaite’s false eye, shouting blah, blah, blah I’m the commandant blah, blah, blah’’.
“Any way we can’t stand around talking all night coz I got date later with Meryl from Human Resources’’, to which the first officer replies ”Lucky you lets open this pod up and get Omar out then”.
Moments later, having been released from the stasis pod Omar walked a long corridor towards the prison's mess hall and made his way over to a table, at which sat a Mechanoid which was bright orange in colour and to its left sat a woman who was sipping coffee from a Blue Dwarf mug.
Omar approached the table and spoke to its two occupants, “Is that a Bazookoid in my pants or am I just pleased to see you?” He bellowed, at which the woman and the Mechanoid to receive Omar with huge smiles on their faces.
The Mechanoid then spoke to Omar in a broad Southern American accent “Well yall lookie hear if it aint mai old buddy Omar” to which Omar replied “Hey there Jim Bob how are you doing I would have thought you would have been released by now since Jed Calvert the old Blue Dwarf Captain died and was replaced, after all you only store is cowboy hat, Y-Front underpants and wore them whilst you rode his mechanical bull and drank his Jack Daniels.
Jim Bob then said “Weeell I guess the higher-ups will get to my case eventually’’.
Then the woman sitting next to Jim Bob spoke up saying “It's good to have you back Omar, these past nights in prison have been lonely without you, I’ve needed something to keep my bed warm for quite a while you know what I mean’’ she said with a wink.
Omar smiled and looked across at her saying “Well I aim to please, and I glad to see you haven't changed much Elani, clearly they haven't fully cleared you up of your sex addiction yet, but I thought you preferred machines, “Well...” Elani said “I have to get my fun from somewhere’’.
Just then before the three of them could continue their conversation, a loud buzzing noise could be heard, before the prisons intercom system kicked in and the prison officer on a balcony overlooking the mess hall with a radio walkie-talkie shouted “Time is up, its shut eye time’’
Then Jim Bob, Omar and Elani stood up with the other prisoners and joined in the hustle and bustle as they made their way to their respective cells, the three of them went up several flights of stairs before Elani waved them goodbye and headed on in a different direction to Jim Bob and Omar.
Soon Jim Bob and Omar arrived at the soul of a shared together and stepping inside Jim Bob headed over to his bunk in the small corner of the cell and lay down and turned to one side so that he could speak to Omar.
Omar headed over to his side of the cell way is bunk was and which are large proportion of the wall on which on which it was set against was covered with pictures of Queen Brittany, Omar reached his bed and put a hand under his pillow and pulled out a battered FHM magazine which had a picture of Queen Brittany on the cover, was posing in a seductive manner draping herself over a bright green car called a Carbug.
After an unspecified amount of time Jim Bob and Omar gradually drifted off to sleep, but elsewhere in the prison a security guard in a small security office, who had his boots propped up on a table and was watching television set which was showing an old cartoon program called Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2e5q6ubDlZE
The security guard eyes slowly but surely start to become heavy with sleep and he soon drifts off and begins to snore, but unknown to him a strange wispy white vapour drifts through the vent above him and swirls around the room focusing on the television set and the man's head before disappearing back through another vent.
Then suddenly out of nowhere in the thin air near the security guard appeared some kind of strange flying contraption with several small animals on board who numbered five in total, were talking to each other in small voices.
“There he is’’ shouted Monterey Jack, a small Australian mouse with a small tiny green housefly called super flying a couple inches above his left shoulder.
The flying contraption then flew near to the security guard who was still snoring loudly and then that moment as the flying contraption got closer the five animals shouted is one yelling ‘’Rescue Rangers Away’’ at which point they then swooped in towards the sleeping security guard then a rope ladder went over the side of the flying contraption and down it climbed two small animals, one of whom was wearing a fedora and a bomber jacket, and was quickly followed by the other who wore a red and yellow Hawaiian shirt.
They slid down the rope onto the table and then jumped onto the security guards boots and began to tie his laces together, one of the small animals on the right boot shouted to the other saying “Hurry up Dale we don’t have much time before he wakes up’’ and the other responded by saying “Sure thing Chip we will have to hurry up if we want to take over this ship’’.
After tying the security guard laces together Chip and Dale ran to the rope ladder ant climbed back up to the stranger flying contraption, then it was that moment a small bug flew from the strange contraption and landed on the security nose and tickled it causing the security guard to wake up with a start and tip the chair he was sitting on and himself onto the floor, he then some managed to scrabble up right to his feet by pressing his hands against the wall to push himself up, but it was just then the he saw the strange flying contraption heading straight towards him.
With a look of utter surprise he flails wildly at them with one arm whilst leaning against the wall with the other, but then however a large object is fired from the odd looking flying contraption which has a large plunger like sucker on the end which sticks to his forehead and is connected to the strange flying machine by a rope.
The machine then flies around looking the rope around the security guards neck which gets tighter and tighter before the flying contraption suddenly veers off sharply to the right and causing the security guard to tip off balance and fall over hitting his head with a sickening crunch against the side of the table as the flying machine disappeared into an air vent.
Meanwhile somewhere else in Blue Dwarfs Prison, a prisoner in her cell practices his singing for the upcoming prisoner’s karaoke night but unknown to her a strange figure walks down the corridor towards her cell listening intently to her singing.
The mysterious figure approaches her cell door and shoves his hand into the cell doors control mechanism and then a few seconds later the door opens to allowing the strange figure to enter the women’s prison cell and the mysterious figure is revelled to be none other than Simon Cowell.
The women stops singing and turns to see who it is and gasps in surprise Simon Cowell then walks towards her saying “You are absolutely dreadful, ghastly, sorry but it's true, let me give you some advice, get better or better yet do yourself in’’ he then tosses a long piece of rope at the woman's feet which has a noose at the end of it.
The woman then start crying saying “Oh smeg perhaps you're right my singing is awful, I can't go on like this’’, the woman then goes over to a corner of her cell and picks up a chair and puts it in the middle of the room, and throws one under the rope over a beam which stretches across the ceiling and then ties the rope to the bed.
She then gets up and stands on the chair and puts her head through the hole in the noose, and then says “Goodbye you cruel galaxy’’ and then jumps off the chair to her death.
Simon Cowell then turns and casually walks out of her cell like nothing happened.
But as Simon Cowell disappears round a corner at the end a corridor, a security guard catches sight of him and runs to the open cell and then immediately discovering what had happened runs off to warn prison commandant Braithwaite.
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