Mike's version of "Red Dwarf - Back to Earth" part 2

Added : 17th February 2009

Mike's version of Red Dwarf IX

"Back to Earth" Pt 2

Instead of main titles, Krytens voice is heard over a passing shot of Red Dwarf

Kryten: Last time on Red Dwarf...

Cut to scene of Dave Lister, Kryten and Holly pinpointing ships location.

Kryten: We discovered a way of getting back to Earth.

Cut to scene of Cat trying to run away.

Kryten: The Cat, not wanting to get back to Earth and be disowned by his only friend tried to run away in a Starbug.  We did the right thing and drugged him before sealing him in the stasis chamber.

Cut to final scene of pt 1.

Dave Lister: We're going back to Earth!

Passing shot of the ship.
Cut to Kryten in the drive room.

Kryten: Oh dear.

Holly: I know.

Kryten: Should we tell them?

Holly: I suppose they're going to find out sooner or later.

Both Holly and Kryten look shocked and saddened. The camera pans out of the window to show an Earth entirely deserted, part destroyed, mostly desert wasteland. Three silver-grey rings, like Saturn’s, now circled the planet.

Kryten: Those rings are too metallic to be rock.

Holly: Not quite.  A lot of that’s is what’s left of the moon.  I'm guessing the rest is just space junk and debris from old space ships and satellites.

Kryten: Do you have the last message we traced?

Holly: The latest transmission I can find is from about four thousand years ago.  Playing it back now.

A face appears on Holly's monitor.  He is badly burned and battered.

Man: This is the last message I will be sending.  Please, if you receive this, don't return to Earth.  The war has claimed everyone.  The death count is total.  If this reaches the outer-rim refugee colonies, look elsewhere.  This is no longer home.

A tear runs down the man's face before the screen turns to static.

Kryten: Why didn't we pick up any signals from these colonies?
Holly: Because there weren't any.  The war must have spread right across the system.

A beeping starts from one of the panels on the centre console.

Kryten: It's a distress beacon.

Holly: Yeh, but it's weak.  It’s coming from the inner most ring.

Kryten: Do we follow it?

Holly: I don't know.  The scans show the planets surface has a high reading for radiation, but it's nothing deadly.  It's possible to take a craft and land right on the ground.

Kryten: We had better open the stasis chamber.

Fade to outside the stasis chamber where Lister has a big grin and Cat looks horrified.
There is a hiss and the door starts to open.

Cat: Well it's a good job they didn't seal us in there or I would have been pretty pissed at you!

Lister: They did seal us in Cat.  We must be there!  Earth!

Lister runs out of the chamber and to the nearest window.  He stops dead when he sees the planet. Cat notices the look on his face.

Cat: What is it bud?  Something doesn't smell right around here!

He looks out the window at Earth.

Cat: That's it?!  How can you be in such a hurry to get back to this place?!

Lister:  That's not Earth.  Well.  It's not what Earth used to be.  Something must have gone wrong.

Kryten enters the scene and sees Lister looking at the planet.

Kryten: I'm ever so sorry sir.  We got here too late.

Lister: What happened Krytes?

Lister is still looking out window

Kryten: War.  It would seem mans biggest enemy was himself.

Lister: How long ago?

Kryten: The last transmission we received is from four thousand years ago.  There was no way of ever getting back to Earth the way it was.

Kryten picks up Rimmers light bee from the floor of the stasis chamber.

Kryten: Should I re-boot Mr Rimmer?

Lister: No man.  It'd kill him....  Again...   If he saw Earth like this.

Cat: Look on the bright side man!  You still got me!

Cat is grinning and loving himself as normal again.

Lister: Thanks cat.

Fade to passing shot of Red Dwarf.
Fade to drive room where Lister is looking at the flashing light of the beacon.

Lister: I'm going out there.

Cat: Are you crazy?!  There's been no one home for thousands of years!

Lister: But I might be able to find some answers.

Cat: Okay, suit yourself.  But if you think I’m going out there you got another thing comin'!

Lister: Fine, I'll take Rimmer.

Cat: What?! I didn't mean it!  Aww man!  Don't wake up that meat head!

Fades from Cat following Lister out the door pleading to not wake Rimmer to the quarters where Rimmer is pacing about the room as Lister finishes telling the story.

Lister: So you see, I wanted to go down there and find the beacon.  Maybe it could give us some real clue about what went on here.  Holly reckons there’s only a few more days of power left in the signal, so if we don't go now we'll never have the chance again.

Rimmer: Okay.  But I think this is a stupid idea.  You're the last human being alive.  Risking your life in search of some beacon that may or may not just be a radioactive jam sandwich giving off the right frequency is idiotic.
Lister: But I need to know what happened down there!  I need to know why.

Cut to Cat in the co-pilot seat of the Starbug. 

Cat: We're all ready to go.  I even packed a spare pair of underwear in case the usual happens and I end up soiling myself.

Lister: Good to know.  Anyway, we won’t have any problems.  There’s no life around here for light years.

Rimmer: Something tells me this isn't going to be straight forward and problem free.

Kryten: And why's that sir?
Rimmer: It never is.

Cut to end titles

# It's cold outside....#

To be continued...

• Read part 3 of "Back to Earth"

← Mike's version of "Red Dwarf - Back to Earth" part 1 | Mike's version of "Red Dwarf - Back to Earth" part 3 →